If you're not getting what you desire, expand your receptive capacity.
Clients often tell me
"He doesn't..."
"She won't..."
"It seems like there's never time to..."
"I just wish that..."
There are longings in all our hearts to feel more _____. Easeful, cherished, abundant, ravished, adored, successful, smart... Whatever it is you want to feel more often and with more intensity, I'm plunkin' my chips on the table to bet that you haven't been practicing holding more of that feeling when it comes your way.
I've been that way myself: pushing away the very experiences I desired.
I wanted Kurt to be present, passionate, adoring. But when he was a little that way, I was dismissive or not-present myself. I came to see my ambivalence about having what I really wanted.
It's raw, when my most-wanted experiences are coming at me.
What's a girl to complain about when she has what she's been wanting? I jest, but really: experiment with catching your longings jumping into your pocket, and you, too, may notice your reluctance to receive them.
To expand receptive capacity, practice being with what you get.
Now, when Kurt caresses my arm or squeezes my shoulder, brings me tea or proposes an enticing after-the-kids-are-in-bed adventure, I take it. On the surface, that doesn't sound like a big deal. But I've brushed those things off in the past. And my clients do it, too. The way out, I've learned, is the path that leads to more of the experiences you desire.
When it happens, notice it. Take a breath. Lick the feeling.
Savor it, the way you would let a perfectly-ripe strawberry roll around on your tongue. Relish the feeling. Notice the edge of your willingness to enjoy it.
We're like little water balloons: you can fill us up a bit without stretching us, but then it starts to get uncomfortable. Put in a little more, and we're stretched. When we start to get filled in the way we long to be filled, there's an urge to squirt it right back out, so we can return to a more comfortable dimension. If we hold steady and contain, we expand our capacity. So try that.