I have an important question for you. One that you’ve probably never been asked before:
What do you do instead?
Instead of turning toward him when he touches you?
Instead of telling him, "I want you to touch me and lick me and penetrate me… But I'm mad at you, too." Instead of telling him, "I need you to take more time. I need you to touch more places. I need you to shine a light on my beauty, not just on your urge."
Instead of pouring yourself a cup of tea?
Instead of sitting down with the magazine right there on the table - because you have a subscription - and putting your feet up? Instead of taking an afternoon to paint, to write, to laugh with a girlfriend in the sun, to throw out those clothes that don't fit?
Instead of really realizing how fucking magnificent you are?
Instead of letting the pleasure in when you get a massage? Instead of savoring the win or letting the compliment really land on your heart and become incorporated into your view of yourself? Instead of feeling the response from men (and women and children and dogs) when you walk down the street, and enjoying the throb of that energy exchange?
Here's my guess: when you aren't doing those things… Those things I know you want to do and feel and savor…
Instead? You:
Keep the to-do list running in your head
Think of what others are thinking, what they need, how they'll respond or react (or,with resignation, this one: do nothing)
Roll over and mumble something about an early morning tomorrow
Tell yourself you'll rest later
Swallow your desire and get on with doing your best
Promise yourself you'll take time soon
Hope you'll "get the time" or "get the energy" or "find a way" soon
And - if you've already been thinking you'd like to let more of your life really land - beat yourself up for not receiving it more, already.
Receiving is complicated. Especially for women who are used to having everything under control.
Our relationship to letting love (and help and compliments and pleasure and friendship and money and recognition and time for ourselves that we don't have to justify by 'being productive' in any way) in is complicated.
We want to be good, so we try hard.
We don't want to be threatening, so we limit how much we let ourselves have.
We want to be seen, so we say no to sex that makes us feel one-dimensional… or entirely invisible.
We don't want to make things worse, so we shy away from the conversations that might open Pandora's box.
But receiving is your nature.
It's in your DNA. It's in your anatomy. Aside from obvious orifices... You have five times the nerve endings on your arm as a man does. You have 8,000 nerve endings in your clitoris alone. All those feelings you "feel too much" - those speak to your CAPACITY. You are two inches from being a brilliant, world-class receiver of love and goodness.
So here's what I want you to do (this is an action love note!):
Look at your non-dominant hand. Turn it over. There, on the palm. I want you to make a little mark today. Each time you let it in. Or drop down and let go. Or allow someone else's help or appreciation to land. Or ask for what you desire.
I want you to receive your receiving. Just acknowledge yourself for the times you went soft, in the best possible way. The times the butterfly of joy tried to land, and you were still enough a spot that she could.
This doesn't have to be hard, my love. Receiving can be as natural as breathing. It is.
This time is holy. Receive.Celebrate it in the palm of your hand. And -- if you're feeling generous -- share it with me. Let me know what landed on your gorgeous heart today?
If you want to let more in and inspire more from your partner, I have a delicious offering coming soon. It’s been rocking my world as I create it and I can’t wait to share it with you. Make sure you’re subscribed to my Love Notes and that you’re following me on IG (@michelelisenbury) to be the first to know all the deets…